I am in a constant state of trying to make things better or so it seems. And when I can’t make it better I want to know why. I don’t know if I will ever be satisfied with anything I truly value, but I am slowly learning to enjoy the improvement process rather than focusing specifically on perfection. I find that most circumstances in my life are like my physical body. They deteriorate rather quickly if I don’t feed them, nurture them, and exercise them.
2008 and 2009 have been a time of searching for me, to find what is really important. Before 08, I spent most of my time in some sort of education system. I have studied all different viewpoints from many different angles. I have tried to quantify what I really benefitted from in earning my MBA other than credentials. I think the main thing I learned is there will need to be continuous improvement of self for the rest of our lives and I shouldn’t have to rely on someone else to fill that need. A lot of what I am thankful for now is different than what I was thankful for during the process itself. More thankful for the people I met and the interaction rather than the course work itself, although I found the subject of Economics extremely helpful in developing better discernment and understanding the difference between good and bad business practices.
So since ‘08 I have been in the course that most people call “the rest of their lives”. Last fall I was a bit overwhelmed with my responsibility to personal development and with the political drama, feeling the pressure of my new job and then my layoff and then another new job. But I was reminded of Ecclesiastes 9:12-14 in a Bible study, where Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived explained the conclusion of his searching of the world’s form of riches and abundant life. It says, “But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body. The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is evil”. This verse tells me that I already have the conclusion/answer to all of the studying: fear God and keep His commandments, and everything should be a bi-product of that. I have been convicted, needing to admit that I will never understand everything or be able to articulate everything perfectly. This has been a tremendous source of peace to me. It was a confirmation, almost as if God was rubbing my back and saying, “Scott, slow down. Don’t get consumed, caught up in all of this.” So, my action is still to continue this process of improvement, but, not for my own sake. I seek to filter everything through His word. I hope to use what I gain to impact and increase God’s kingdom in some way.
In order to do this properly, one thing Blake (my brother and roommate) and I decided to do was not purchase cable tv or internet for our apartment for the time being. Most of my friends have been dumbfounded at this, but Blake and I aren’t the least bit concerned of missing important tv shows or sports games. We are trying to purge ourselves of things that might distract us from what should be our priority, to maximize our opportunities rather than get side tracked by things that might distract us from what God has called us to do. We have access to internet in the lobby of our apartment complex, so that has taken care of any real concern about not being able to communicate with people in a form that has become natural to us all. And if we want to watch a sports game, we make a night of it and go out, which makes it more special than it was when we had easy access to it.